01.11.12 Ego vs. Ahimsa

It's so nice to be back after the longest blog hiatus of all time (okay probably not the longest but, you know what I mean)! I hope all of you had a wonderful, happy, love-filled, and healthy Holiday Season and a Happy New Year!

I was gone since September because I was completing my Yoga Alliance Teacher Training. My teacher training at Revolution Yoga proved to be one of the best, most fulfilling, challenging and fun experiences of my life. My day job was the busiest it's been all year, 11-18 hour days every day for the duration of my training. I spent most nights awake doing homework and studying to have everything ready for our classes over the weekends. It was SO worth it, I enjoyed every moment with all my heart, including the challenging ones.

I finally had the urge to write today, since the New York Times article meme, and all the responses to it (check out YogaDork and elephantjournal). The concept that Yoga "will wreck your body" is not what I want to get into, because we know as yogis, it won't wreck your body if you practice without ego and without force. There's Tapas (determination or that "fire" inside that propels you to your goals, or what keeps you in Utkatasana for just one more breath!) in your Yoga practice, but that has to be balanced out by Ahimsa (non-harming in thought, word, and deed).

Sounds like a safe bet: Don't let ego and ambition get in the way so much that you try to force your body into something it just doesn't want to do in that moment.

Well, this week, even with all of the reminders from the Media, I kind of lost track of that balance and ended up feeling super sore, and super sorry that I did not listen to what my body was telling me, which was: "Please, for the love of everything that is good in this world, just go home and relax."

Although I was feeling tired and weak physically due to ladytimes (I don't think I need to explain), I felt the need to make myself go to a yoga class on Monday night. I simply had to go. 1) Because I made a pseudo-resolution to myself that I would practice asana every day in some capacity, and 2) because it was the first time in months that I was able to leave work in time to attend a group class—Lord knows that that was going to be the last day in history that would ever happen, so I couldn't not go. Also I hadn't practiced asana for more than 45 minutes since sometime before Christmas, so my body was itching to go to class, even in its tired state.

I felt great after class of course, but the day after my shoulders were pretty sore from all the Chatturangas the night before, I also only slept 4 and a half hours so that wasn't helping my body to recuperate. And wouldn't you know it, I got out of work an hour early again that following day (yesterday/Tuesday)! Even with my four and a half hours of sleep, sore shoulders and ladytimes in full effect, I still decided to go yoga class last night. On the train on the way to class in my head one voice was saying "You should really just go home and practice for maybe 45 minutes, your body needs to gradually come back to where it was, this is going to be too much, especially this time of the month." Then another voice was saying "Oh, you're young, don't be a baby, you can do this and you're strong so it's not going to hurt you to go two days in a row, you know how to take care of your body in class, it'll be fine." So, I went, trusting that my ego knew what it was talking about (because I was half-right, to be fair, I do know how to protect myself from serious injury).

I felt strong in class, I kept my knees down in Chatturanga and Plank to take the pressure off and I took frequent Child's poses. My body felt good after Savasana, but even modifying my practice to be a little more gentle than what the teacher was offering, a few hours after class my body felt like it was hit by a truck. Thank goodness I have an awesome boyfriend that massaged my aching muscles until I fell asleep last night.

Today I have the opportunity to let Ahimsa win this time. There's probably a chance, since it's slowed down a bit at work, that I could get off early again in time to make it to class. But, in an effort to practice Ahimsa toward myself, I'm going to make myself go home and relax. If I feel the need to practice asana, it will only be a restorative practice at home today.

Yoga is not about asana, it's about practicing Yoga. I would not be practicing Yoga wholeheartedly if I forced my aching body onto the mat again today.

I challenge you, dear yogis, to notice, without any judgement, when you've lost this balance in yourself. If you do notice you've lost this balance, I challenge you to take it one step further and let your ego take a back seat.  "The ego is the world's biggest despot." so how can you/do you tame it when its demands are out of line with practicing Ahimsa toward yourself (or someone else)? What does it feel like to not give your ego what it wants? Hmm, I feel an idea for a visual meditation to cope with this creeping into my mind, more on that after I try it out for myself I will definitely share it with you all.

Please share your own stories of battles with your ego in the comments below, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Namasté <3