Aloha lovelies!
First off, let me just say that last night I got 100 followers on Twitter! I'm super excited for all the love and having "met"/found such awesome yogis, artists, movers n' shakers, that continue to inspire me on my own path as I watch them travel on their respective paths.
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| I don't even know who Michael Wex is, but this picture made me giggle. |
My roommate wants to move out because she just got a job in the city and thinks the commute is a bit much (I've dealt with a much worse commute for 8+ years so, it's nothing to me, I still make the commute myself but I understand why someone used to a 5 minute drive as their commute would have a problem with being on a train for 40 minutes plus 20 mins on the subway). She has to do what she has to do, I can't be mad at her about it, if the situation were reversed I would hope she would extend the same understanding. I will admit that I am pretty frustrated at the inconvenience of having to spend upwards of $3000 moving with the first month's rent/broker fee/security, on top of having no weekends between September 17th and December 10th (except the program is off on my birthday on October 8th for Yom Kippur! Happy Birthday to me INDEED!) because of my yoga teacher training. So, moving is going to be...fun...at this juncture. But, the good thing about it happening at such a busy time is that it will be like pulling off a band-aid...it'll pull out a buncha little hairs and it may hurt a bit but it will be really, really fast.
Our lease is up November 1st, which is why I can't do anything really until October 1st in terms of looking for a new place.
And the reason why this is not going to be a typical move for me, to make a ridiculously long story short:
I'm not really sure of the security of my job (and not just in the sense how everyone's job is kinda iffy, I mean there's a danger of layoffs and/or paycuts since we're only bleeding money, not making it, ever since last year's lay offs) so I'm not super keen on finding a new place, alone or with a roommate, for fear I may have to break the lease. I don't have someone that can just move in with me here to save the hassle and ridiculous cost of moving by November 1st. I don't have someone I can just stay with in my family and pay a little rent to save money for a few months before I go it alone again. If I could do that, then I'd be able to save enough dough that if I did get a new place after 6 months of living with said family member, and I did happen to lose my job, I'd still be able to pay rent for at least 8 months before finding gainful employment again. (I'm hoping by the beginning of the year I will have some clients/gigs as a yoga teacher and can start to build that career for myself.) If my 9-5 job situation weren't iffy, I wouldn't be concerned in the least about moving to a new place. I was hoping moving in with family could at least be a last-resort option, but, it's not even an option at all. So, without a back-up plan, I'm feeling a little nervous.
I'm not really sure of the security of my job (and not just in the sense how everyone's job is kinda iffy, I mean there's a danger of layoffs and/or paycuts since we're only bleeding money, not making it, ever since last year's lay offs) so I'm not super keen on finding a new place, alone or with a roommate, for fear I may have to break the lease. I don't have someone that can just move in with me here to save the hassle and ridiculous cost of moving by November 1st. I don't have someone I can just stay with in my family and pay a little rent to save money for a few months before I go it alone again. If I could do that, then I'd be able to save enough dough that if I did get a new place after 6 months of living with said family member, and I did happen to lose my job, I'd still be able to pay rent for at least 8 months before finding gainful employment again. (I'm hoping by the beginning of the year I will have some clients/gigs as a yoga teacher and can start to build that career for myself.) If my 9-5 job situation weren't iffy, I wouldn't be concerned in the least about moving to a new place. I was hoping moving in with family could at least be a last-resort option, but, it's not even an option at all. So, without a back-up plan, I'm feeling a little nervous.
That's the reason why I was so quiet, I was doing a lot of thinking...and admittedly quite a lot of kvetching, about things surrounding this situation that I know will not change. I wasn't going to post anything because I couldn't think of any way to express how I'm feeling about this and then spin it into a positive.
After ruminating and sulking for a day, I got off my butt, cleaned my room up nicely like a responsible adult, made space and did some yoga.
During my first truly present practice in days I remembered/realized a few things: Most of the time, you don't get a "back-up" plan in life, sometimes shit happens and you have to figure it out on the fly. I also remembered one of the Yamas: Self-surrender to God, or in Sanskrit, Isvara pranidhana. I know some people are agnostic or atheist, so you can take God to mean whatever you want it to mean for you, but the concept of Isvara pranidhana is still universal: Have faith and find some peace knowing that things will always be as they should, in challenges and successes, if you do your "work" in life wholeheartedly with love, compassion and no ego, everything somehow falls into place. Very similar to the whole "God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference", thing. Even as an atheist, one could agree that you have to come to this conclusion that you must accept things as they are and just do your best in life, or you'll drive yourself insane sweating everything that happens, taking life's challenges personally.
I should not even be scared of the "what-ifs", I pride myself in my ability to be resourceful and find solutions under pressure, in life and in work situations. And really, no one needs to be scared if they don't have a "plan" to deal with one of life's surprises, things just kind of work out when you just do what you have to do anyway. Not to mention I've been blessed with amazing friends and family, and, worst case scenario, if I were to lose my job and couldn't live alone, I'd just end up in a less-than-ideal living situation with one of my family members that live really far away. I know I won't starve or have to live on the street no matter what happens, so what am I really worried about anyway?
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| "Serenity now serenity now serenity now...!!" |
I should not even be scared of the "what-ifs", I pride myself in my ability to be resourceful and find solutions under pressure, in life and in work situations. And really, no one needs to be scared if they don't have a "plan" to deal with one of life's surprises, things just kind of work out when you just do what you have to do anyway. Not to mention I've been blessed with amazing friends and family, and, worst case scenario, if I were to lose my job and couldn't live alone, I'd just end up in a less-than-ideal living situation with one of my family members that live really far away. I know I won't starve or have to live on the street no matter what happens, so what am I really worried about anyway?
I was getting into a psycho cycle (say that 10 times fast!) of getting angry with myself for being angry about a situation that I can't control and not getting anything done. (I know, I have super efficient thought patterns). But, I'm done being ridiculous now, yay! I know right now I just have to do my work and wait for October 1st to arrive to take action...unless, if you're a responsible lady that would like to move in with me by November 1, please let me know!
So, if you read all that, you're a trooper, and thank you!
I'm so excited to start school next weekend...I can't even contain myself. I know these next 3 months are going to fly by so fast I won't even know what happened! So, with a deep breath and a long exhale...here goes the fastest 3 months of my life. Annnnnnd GO!
Namasté you guys!!
Namasté you guys!!
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