Having a late lunch break and I feel like I need to vent a little.
But first, let's talk about my grandma. She's the most amazing woman ever. Having gone through some of life's most harrowing human experiences from childhood into adulthood, she is still the most positive, graceful, and kind person I've ever met.
She's never had a "why me?" attitude, considering everything that she's experienced, she has a resilience that a lot of people wish they could cultivate themselves, but they're too entrenched in their "stuff" to get past it.
She has never once set foot in a therapist's office, let alone in a Yoga studio, and my grandmother has the Zen-like attitude of someone that's been living in a Buddhist monastery for decades.
I don't know what I would do without her, I talk to her every day, and she's a saint because she listens to me rant and rave about pretty much the same thing(s) every day. Okay, well, I don't rant and rave anymore...now I can discuss it like an adult. It's more like I'm examining what happens and she's always there to help me find the positive aspect about what's going on.
I had a particularly rough week this week when it came to dealing with the stress of my job, I worked over 10 hours every day (14 hours was the longest day, if you're wondering) and that doesn't include the hour and ten minute commute (in both directions, so that's over 2 hours each day on the train alone). So, I felt so trapped having so very little time to work on my art or practice yoga.
It really wouldn't feel so-beyond-articulation frustrating if I didn't have designs on being my own boss making a living from selling my art and being a yoga teacher. My job isn't that bad, I knew what I was getting into (they warned me in my interviews that it would be "dysfunctional", I paid that no mind since every single agency I've worked is "dysfunctional"...that was a warning I should have heeded!). I get paid overtime so I should be okay with it when I have to work three 17-hour-long days in a row. But, I'm not okay with it. Not when it means that I have no time to devote to doing what I need to do so that I don't have to work here (or for any other employer that believes humans don't need sleep or personal time) anymore.
All the money in the world is worthless (well, technically money is and always has been worthless, it's just paper, and, now that it's only backed by our "faith" because it's not backed by gold, it's really worthless, but we have to pretend and base our lives around it anyway, what can we do?) when all you do every day is wake up, commute, work, go home with only 7 or 8 hours before you have to go back to work the next day, and sleep and do it all over again. That is not life. That is just animated death. I don't know what the numbers are but I'd venture to guess that's like 90% of people's lives. No wonder why so many people feel depressed, anxious, tired, angry, and trapped. I don't need to point out the obvious, but with the economy being what it is, people now more than ever feel the pressure to work-work-work, and feel like they can't say "no" to their employer lest they lose their job and have to wait 6 months or more to find another.
I was telling my grandmother all of this last night, almost on the verge of tears, because I was so frustrated. My grandmother had one simple thing to say, and we've all heard it before: "Just take it one day at a time."
The thing to remember is you are never stuck. There is always another way to do everything in life. You just have to keep your mind and heart open to the opportunities as they present themselves, and you have to do the work to create those opportunities as well. Just because you've hit a brick wall on your path, doesn't mean that you can't get around it, or search hard enough and find a secret doorway.
Sometimes the brick walls in life are opportunities in and of themselves, you have to remember to look at the bigger picture when you're in a myopic state of mind. Instead of "Why does this always happen me?" versus, "I'm not alone, people have gotten through the same thing and much worse, and so will I."
Patience (bolded to remind myself!) and persistence are what will get you through that process with grace and agility.
It also helps to remember is that we are not our bodies, our jobs, our cars, our beliefs..."we're pure consciousness", and we have the option to change the quality of that consciousness at any time. This awesome Elephant Journal article I read today helped to remind me of that.
So, as I get back to work, and try not to focus on wondering "How late will I be here tonight? Will I have to work this weekend?" I'm just going to remember another thing my grandmother always says: "Be happy. Be thankful. You are lucky!"
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